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Why the answer is usually no at first

  • It sounds like being watched. A stranger in the house, reporting to the children.
  • It sounds like decline. Accepting help means admitting to it.
  • It sounds like money being wasted on them when there are grandchildren to feed.
  • It sounds like a decision made in London about a life in Lagos.

What families say worked

  • Make it about you. "It would help me sleep" is harder to refuse than "you need this".
  • Make it theirs. A plan that is their own, an account they set up, choices they make. They can say no to any visit.
  • Start small: one visit a month rather than a live-in carer. Let the first visit include company and a cup of tea.
  • Choose the messenger. Sometimes the eldest, sometimes the favourite, sometimes their own sibling or pastor. Rarely the whole family at once.
  • Pick the moment. After a scare, after a friend's funeral, or when they mention a neighbour who fell. Not on a Sunday call with everyone listening.
  • Say who comes. A nurse with a name and a phone number is a different proposition from "someone".

What to leave out

  • Comparisons with friends' parents who ended up in a home.
  • Anything that sounds like the family has already decided.
  • The word carer, at first. Visit, check-in, company, someone to go to the hospital with: those land better.

How Kinship is built for this

The plan is for the member. They meet their Kinkeeper by name before the first visit, and nothing is shared with the family that they have not agreed to. Many members who said no to "care" say yes to a nurse who comes for a chat once a month.

Regular check-ins for someone living alone

If this is your situation, the page below shows how a Kinship Plan applies to it, with prices.

Regular check-ins for someone living alone

Related

Sources

  1. Why some Nigerians will not use old people's homes (Pulse, Oct 2024)

Prices in naira are quoted with their date because they move. Where a figure comes from a commercial provider, the source is described rather than named, and nothing on this page recommends a provider.

This page is information, not advice. Kinship wrote it from the sources listed above and checked it on the date shown. It is not medical, legal, financial or insurance advice, and it does not take account of any one person's circumstances. Decisions about treatment belong with the person and their doctor; decisions about money, insurance or immigration with the person and a qualified adviser. Our platform terms apply.